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Version 1[Intro] C G Am G F G [Verse] Am F C G The books you think I wrote are way too thick Am F C G Who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn't be a dick Am F C G And I don't watch you when you sleep Am F C Em F Surprisingly I don't use my own omnipotence to be a fucking creep [Chorus] Am G F You're not going to heaven Am G F Why the fuck did you think I'd ever kick it with you Am G None of you are going to heaven F Am G F There's a trillion aliens cooler than you F F F F F F [Bridge] Am G Am G F You shouldn't abstain from rape just because you think that I want you to F F F F F F Am G C You shouldn't rape because rape is a fucked up thing to do C G Am G F G (It's pretty obvious just don't fucking rape people I didn't think I had to write that one down for you.) [Verse] Am F C G I don't think masturbation is obscene Am F C G Am It's absolutely natural and the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen F C G You make my job a living hell Am F C I sent gays to fix overpopulation G F Didn't that go well [Chorus] Am G F You're not going to heaven Am G F Eat a thousand crackers sing a million hymns Am G F None of you are going to heaven Am G F You're not my children you're a bad game of sims F F F F F F [Bridge] Am G Am G F You shouldn't abstain from pork because you think that I want you to F F F F F F Am G C You can eat pork because why the fuck would I give a shit C G Am G F G I created the universe you think I'm drawing the line at the fucking deli aisle?) [Verse] Am F C G You argue and you bicker and you fight Am F C G Am Atheists and Catholics, Jews and Hindus argue day and night F C G Over what they think is true Am F C G F But no one entertains the thought that maybe god does not believe in you [Chorus] Am G F You pray so badly for heaven Am G F knowing any day may be the day that you die Am G F But maybe life on earth could be heaven Am G F Doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try F F F F F F C F C G My love's the type of thing that you have to earn C F C (x2) G And when you earn it you won't need it x2 Am G Am G F I'm not gonna give love just cause I know that you want me to Am G C If you want love then the love is gonna come from you Close like intro.